2013 BS / Chat Thread!

[ellis93]

Lorena's sister came home early from work. No one was suppost to be home. But to her surprise she walked in on her hubby and some blond. She was so mad she stormed out of the house. She went to talk to Lorena about what happened. She returned a few hours later. Her hubby was telling her it was nothing it just happened. She told her hubby it was ok she forgave him. They were getting ready to have make up sexwhen she pulled a knife as Lorena told her to do. When she went for the cut he moved in time only to have a minor cut on his thigh. The cops were called and they arrested her. The charges were,ready for this..........a missedtheweiner

[AHineman]

[peobryant]

Had a semi-productive day today. Changed the headlight switch in my truck, changed the oil, oil and air filter in Dallas' car and cleaned my Glock 35. Speaking of the Glock, firearms week in the academy was this week and we had qualification on Friday. I was one shot away from being top gun in the academy class (I had one round that broke the line for what is considered out of bounds) and ended up hitting 49/50 shots which was good for second place so I'm satisfied at least. My father has a Gen 3 35 and my Gen 4 has considerably less recoil and a nicer grip too, it's a nice gun. You old men can complain all you want about them being plastic, they're damn good guns.

[bmoeller]

There are two statues in a park; One of a nude man and one of a nude woman.

They had been facing each other across a pathway for a hundred years, when
one day an angel comes down from the sky and, with a single gesture, brings
the two to life!!!!!!!!

The angel tells them, 'As a reward for being so patient through a hundred
blazing summers and dismal winters, you have been given life for thirty
minutes to do what you've wished to do the most.'
He looks at her, she looks at him, and they go running behind the shrubbery.

The angel waits patiently as the bushes rustle and giggling ensues.

After fifteen minutes, the two return, out of breath and
laughing. The angel tells them, 'Um, you have fifteen minutes left,
would you care to do it again?'

He asks her 'Shall we?'

She eagerly replies, 'Oh, yes, let's! But let's change
positions this time, I'll hold the pigeon down and you shti on its head!'


















AND WHAT WERE YOU THINKING ????!!!

[skilletky]

A man is waiting in line at the store to cash out. The woman in front of him is putting all her items on the conveyer belt. The man looks at her items, then looks at her and says " you must be single". The woman replies " you can tell that by what I'm buying?" The man then says " no, yer just ugly as sh*t"

[DodgeFreak]

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a
mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the
farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm
but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back
to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws
the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car
forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow
again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to
the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, 'I
think I can stand over the hole!' So he stretched over the width of
the hole and said, 'Grab for my 'thingy' and pull yourself up.' And
the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up
chicks!

[ellis93]

That's funny

[dazedandconfused]

This messed up weather is killing my sinuses. Im ready for a couple months of snow and then spring. This winter, spring,winter weather crap is getting old.

[skilletky]

This messed up weather is killing my sinuses. Im ready for a couple months of snow and then spring. This winter, spring,winter weather crap is getting old.

Don't worry, the bottom is supposed to drop out tonight. I'm starting to get sick myself I think, but man that 64* sure felt good.

[cmann250]

A man walks into a grocery store and the first thing he sees is two little boys running around their cart and screwing around like boys tend to do while their mom was violently cussing them out for their behavior. The man walked up to the woman, who just happened to be heavy set and took no care to her appearance, and said, "Wow, ma'am, those boys sure have some energy. Are they twins?"

The woman replied, "Well no, moron. One is seven and the other is five, any idiot could see that."

"Oh, I'm sorry," said the man. "I didn't think was any way a man would do the deed with you twice."

[cmann250]

I wouldn't kick and scream if this was in my driveway. Salty roads SUCK!

http://farmington.craigslist.org/cto/3495521899.html

[bmoeller]

Ya they do. I prefer cinders. They make the vehicles black, but it washes off easy enough, does a good job on the ice/snow, WITHOUT eating them up. The liquid stuff they use now reacts to the bodywork MUCH faster!

[PToombs]

Caleb, It might be nice with a bath, but I think he bent the frame with that homemade tow rig in it.

Bryan, in NY they use calcium chloride, magnesium chloride, brine, and plain old salt. Usually the liquids (brine, mag chloride liquid) are sprayed on the salt in the pile or as it's layed down. The brine they've started to dribble on the roads and bridges before a storm then it dries, so when the snow hits it starts melting right away.

[cmann250]

Caleb, It might be nice with a bath, but I think he bent the frame with that homemade tow rig in it.

Oh, I thought that was a part of a swing set

[RumbleFish]

With the wet and slick roads we've had lately, combined with minimal tread on my tires, my abs has attempted to work recently. Its pretty terrible. Pedal goes to the floor, and its scared me a couple times. Need to un-abs that sthi asap.